My Blog

Today is a day full of mixed emotions.

Seven years ago, this was the day that changed my life direction completely. Seven years ago, this is the day I’ll never actually remember.

Part of me is grateful for that storm, for that tree. If I hadn’t been running and got hit by a tree, I wouldn’t have discovered my MS when I did. I wouldn’t have gotten treatment right away. I wouldn’t have had a name for my random issues.

Part of me is bitter for that storm, for that tree. I could have gone on not knowing and been just fine. I may have made it years without any major issues. I could have lived blind and just fine.

It’s hard living with both feelings so real and powerful today. I am still learning to accept that this is my reality. I remind myself that the day of the storm didn’t define who I am, it just added one more layer to my story. I can be okay with that… some day.

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me

I need to remember, tree or not… This is me.

I am so fortunate to have a dad who has always been there for me. He has a gentle heart, warm hands, and the best laugh.

When he got to go from dad to YaYa, it’s amazing to see my boys share his love as well.

I married an amazing man who gets to be dad to two boys. Their relationship is special and is ever growing and changing as our boys grow and mature. It makes my heart proud to see them together.

Happy Father’s day to all the dad’s out there!

My beautiful baby, who has taken his sweet time in everything (even right from the start)… who had always marched to his own beat… who has finished everything with flair… who has always striven to please… who has loved (and cried) with his whole heart… is 10 years old today.

My heart is somehow bursting and breaking all at once. It’s hard to believe 10 years can go so quickly. It feels like just a blink ago that we were bringing this little being home, terrified at the unknown. There were plenty of long nights that I wished time would just go faster. I’m sad that the little chubby cheeks are gone though. He’s starting to become independent and will soon be too cool for his mom. But in that same breathe, I realize how amazing he has become. I can’t wait to see what adventures await this brave, smart, and bold boy. I’m confident he will make his mark on this world and am so proud to help mold and foster him as he grows.

Happy birthday to my sweet Peter Stanley!

Twelve years ago I was getting ready for one of the biggest and best moments in my life.

Twelve years ago we looked or very best.

Twelve years ago it was so very hot.

Twelve years ago I walked down the aisle holding my dad’s arm.

Twelve years ago we stood next to friends who had made an impact in our lives.

Twelve years ago we said we would stand by each other through it all.

Twelve years ago we started a family by saying I do in front of family and friends.

Twelve years later, I would do it all over again.

Twelve years later, you are still the one I love and the one I choose.

Twelve years later, we’ve had our ups and downs but we’ve weathered them together.

Twelve years later, we have grown together and deepened our relationship.

Twelve years later, we have grown our family and created two amazing boys.

Twelve years later, we have created a home that, while may be messy with toys and socks, is full of energy and love.

Twelve years later, we are still just beginning our adventures together.

One of the more fun parts of MS is

I am blessed with being quite clumsy at times. People have actually had their doctor write a letter to let people know that they aren’t drunk, they just have MS. It’s just one extra layer of the brain neurons not always firing quite right… do to my immune system attacking my own brain.

So with all of that said, I’m getting skilled at powering through and finding different ways of coping… especially with the giant bruise currently on my knee.

Here are just a sampling of the results of my grace due to either falling, bumping into things, reacting to meds, or who knows what

With all of those, and many more, I can choose to give in or get up.

Sundays are a day of rest… mostly because I have to recharge from the previous week.

I’m doing a lot better now that I’ve been going to the gym and working hard at staying active and healthy, but a week’s worth of energy still can take it’s toll. The hubby is still amazed at my ability to literally sleep until 1pm or later on especially tough weeks. Thankfully I have a supportive family that allows that to happen.

One big symptom of MS is brain fog. You know when you walk into a room and can’t remember why? That sums me up on a daily basis. That word that just on the tip of your tongue? It might as well be in China some days. If I told you I was going to do something and I haven’t, I don’t get offended when you ask again. I know I forget, it’s not a secret. Just like the fact that I was going to post daily this month and already forgot the second day. That sums up a huge part of my life, I forgot.

Speaking of other things I forgot – Here are just a few photos I meant to post on here

March is MS awareness month and since I am all to aware of it, I thought I’d share some love this month.

This week I learned that because of the daily injections I used to do to attempt to stop my immune system from attacking my brain, I instead attacked the fat cells in my legs. The medicine killed the cells, creating a large dent in my right leg. Because I’m working hard at improving my health and body, it is becoming more and more evident. I guess I have a long way to go to get rid of more fat so it can have the chance of evening out.

In honor of Dr Seuss’ birthday today, I have a picture of my own Thing 2 from the school reading night tonight and a poem I found online…

I didn’t march yesterday because I thought I didn’t know enough to make a stand. As I followed the news, the pictures, and the speeches all day, I realized I know more than I give myself credit…

I know that we are each important in our own way
I know that I make a difference… as a daughter, as a sister, as a wife, as a mother, as a friend,
as a woman
I know that raising my boys to be men of substance is the most important job I can have
I know that we don’t all see eye to eye but that doesn’t make anyone less important
I know that if we don’t educate our children, future generations will fall
I know that education is vital for all, not just for children but for ourselves as well
I know that we all bring something different to this world and those differences should be
honored, not feared
I know that we each have a voice
I know that we need to respect, listen to, and value each other’s voice
I know that I have been blessed with a good life
I know that we need to keep moving forward to ensure the next generations can have an even
better life
I know that even in my good fortune, hurt knows no boundaries
I know that everyone carries their own battle wounds, some just show more than others
I know that the only way to win that war is to band together, not push apart
I know that we are strong
I know that I am strong
I know that I am important
I know

I know that this is one time that we really do need to…